Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
