You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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