i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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