I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
