I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It was like giving head to a cactus.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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