oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
