Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
