he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
