If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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