her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
ugly people sure do ruin things
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
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Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
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Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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