The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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