I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
