At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
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It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He better not be in your backpack
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
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I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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