According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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