I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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