I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
