i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
