after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
