i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Randomize
