I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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