My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
