Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
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She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.