when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR