This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize