The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
