I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
