I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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