tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
