i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
