After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
