I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
how does that bad decision feel?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
