seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
