So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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