highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
