Fine. I'll sleep in my office
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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