You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
