I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
