My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
