Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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