i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
