if i can run in heels then i can drive
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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