Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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