oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
