I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
