tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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