Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
