He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
