Kareoke will never be a sober sport
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
