I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
