just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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