There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Randomize
