No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
