Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Randomize
