i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
