I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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