4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
