I just pynch a tree in the face
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
