my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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