When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
