dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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