If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
