the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
