Sry I called you an 8
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
