this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
my poor anus
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
