He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
