i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
