so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
