She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
