omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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