Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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