so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
