And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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