Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm way too hungover for life right now
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
