He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
