I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
