you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
