Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
