Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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