Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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