Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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