someone get that fucking seahorse.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
