I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm like, not good at living.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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