You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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